Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Can I color on your dick again?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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