Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
