dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
