put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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