it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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