I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
