I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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