used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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