it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
