It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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