Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
