I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
