Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
