So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
