you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
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