oh god the rape fog is back!
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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