Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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