i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
