Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
