My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
