So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
