what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
