yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
