she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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