Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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