Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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