i think my tv is drunk
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
People Asked The Internet Questions About their Private Parts And The Results Are Hilarious
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
These Teachers Need To Be Fired
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?