THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
