your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.