Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
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I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
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once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"