Can Purell be used as lube?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
