Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'

(617): View more from Massachusetts

we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom

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(617): Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.' (617): we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom http://tfl.nu/ju2m

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(956): View more from Texas

If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?

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(956): If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you? http://tfl.nu/uuhm

Replies (31) Good night (1577) Bad night (3661)
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(205): View more from Alabama

I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.

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(205): I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way. http://tfl.nu/0pkj

Replies (10) Good night (3068) Bad night (610)
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(801): View more from Utah

I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high

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(801): I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high http://tfl.nu/0yq2

Replies (90) Good night (12263) Bad night (1207)
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(330): View more from Ohio

theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.

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(330): theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that. http://tfl.nu/wccj

Replies (11) Good night (5432) Bad night (2385)
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(248): View more from Michigan

you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."

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(248): you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion." http://tfl.nu/tkud

Replies (12) Good night (5614) Bad night (1284)
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(407): View more from Florida

I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.

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(407): I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame. http://tfl.nu/841f

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(716): View more from New York

So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef

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(716): So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef http://tfl.nu/t05x

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(813): View more from Florida

Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina

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(813): Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina http://tfl.nu/thir

Replies (9) Good night (2664) Bad night (774)
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(303): View more from Colorado

I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind

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(303): I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind http://tfl.nu/1u44

Replies (15) Good night (3764) Bad night (622)
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(413): View more from Massachusetts

i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???

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(413): i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown??? http://tfl.nu/ek0c

Replies (3) Good night (741) Bad night (432)
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(470): View more from Georgia

My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.

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(470): My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time. http://tfl.nu/utoz

Replies (6) Good night (1639) Bad night (491)
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(352): View more from Florida

So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!

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(352): So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality! http://tfl.nu/jnql

Replies (0) Good night (531) Bad night (244)
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(316): View more from Kansas

You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"

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(316): You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!" http://tfl.nu/ag1e

Replies (1) Good night (477) Bad night (279)
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(616): View more from Michigan

If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.

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(616): If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine. http://tfl.nu/wf47

Replies (2) Good night (498) Bad night (408)

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