we're chasing vodka with high fives
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I said "one day" and that day is not today