I just saw a hot homeless man
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
