you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
