wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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