No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
