mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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