Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
