You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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