there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
