I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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