oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
