please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
