Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
