Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
