you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
