I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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