Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
