whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
