I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
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I cut my penus on the lid.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
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ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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