Where did you get a picture of my penis
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
