My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
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the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
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whose ass print is on the piano?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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