this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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