I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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