If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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