you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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