As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
