this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Is it penis luge time yet?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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