Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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