i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
