We're like a lot better than the average bears
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
