So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize