Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
