I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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