she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I just found a bag of teeth...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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