This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
