I could make wine with my vomit
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
