and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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