Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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