i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
