how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
