if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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