and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
