we have pet lesbian snakes
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
