oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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